♥ Inspirational-Guide ♥

I moved - New Blogger Page

2011-06-26T12:36:00.000+02:00

I created a new blog. I do like this one a lot and I wrote a lot in the past few years but I'm looking for a new fresh start, a new site where I'll concentrate about my hearing, poetry and other things. I will still leave this blog active but I won't update it so often ..

Here's my new link!

CLICK HERE

If you want to make sure you don't miss anything, then go to my public facebook page
HERE

Or on ccor under "mytruestory85" and you will find me

Poetry Girl

Sandra

My first local poetry reading in Salzburg - Austria

2011-06-26T12:23:00.005+02:00

Hey Hey, I am back!!! Back with lots of exciting things to share! :) I'll start first by telling you that I'll have my first public poetry reading at a local bookstore here in Salzburg - Austria, July 1st :)))

Wohooo :)) I look forward to this. I 'll recite some of my poems from "Poetry Pieces of Europe" where some of my poems are featured, along with another poet Primrose Dzenga, who wrote "Destiny In My Hands". The motto of that event is "Independence and Freedom" like independence has many faces. You know that I am hearing impaired, or was, at present I have a CI and for me "to be independent" has a different meaning as for the general public. I have my own story to tell to explain this. So I will recite some of my poems about myself and my "hearing" experience.

This should be an exciting event and I'll see many of my local friends who will come that evening. And.. as those poems are all about my ear, I wrote a poem just for this occasion "Independence and Freedom" as I need an opening to my own presentation. I'll use that poem as opening so I can't write it here, it should be a surprise until that day. So I can't write anything here. I'm trying to find someone who will record me and the other poet so I can post some clips afterwards on yt and my page. Would be great.

My own debut, my own poetry book will soon get published, it's already it its final stage so details will come very soon :))

Anyhow to make it short I am really excited :D

More updates are coming... ➜ next blog will be about my vacation in Italy!

Sandra (PoetryGirl)

Some poetry videos on CCOR

2011-04-27T20:01:00.000+02:00

Hi everyone! It's been a long time since I posted anything... I'll catch up soon and I want to catch up on my recent posts to let you know what's going on. I'll keep posting every day or every second some of my posts from ccor, if you haven't checked them out,.. of if you're new and just discovered my site :)

Here are some poetry videos that I have uploaded once on ccor. It's been a while since I've made new poetry videos and some I have deleted...

but I hope you'll enjoy them! :)

Day 3, s8 ❘ Can you hear what I hear? + MY INTENTIONS

2011-01-14T13:45:00.000+01:00

Hello everyone!!!

This is my day 3 of my season 8! Last night I was listening to some videos and later to music and I'd like to share with you how I do that when I listen to something on the computer... I have to plug in this little cable behind my speech processor then I can hear the sound in my head. I can hear background noise too e.g. when someone is talking to me and music at the same time. I can do it both, which people with a healthy ear can't do it. As when you have ear plugs you can't hear other people talking unless you have an ear plug just in ONE ear ONLY :) so I benefit in a way from the CI. It allows me to do that :))

It is a bit inconvenient at some point but it works well with me. Only when I have to move away from my computer I don't unplug the whole thing but just the other end which I plug to my computer and the whole "wire" that is still stuck to my processor I just put around my neck, so I don't always have to plug and unplug (if I have eto just move quickly away from my computer). This sometimes looks very funny especially when my parents didn't know what that was at first.

It's my day 3 and so far things are going well. Today I probably won't post a video. Don't really feel like in the mood lol so I'll post my goals here!

MY GOALS for the next 100 DAYS are the FOLLOWING:

To read more poetry on the net, in books, everywhere (If I don't read poetry, then I can't expect to write some..) ☺
To write another let's say 70 new poems in the next few months and keep writing on a regular basis (I set the amount much lower than last time because I feel very exhausted after writing more more than 21 months... it's getting tougher and tougher to get inspired..) ☺✍
To make backups of my writing regularly (BIG REMINDER or I'll be screwed up)
To make regular videos for the challenge (also mix it with blogs)
To become a known poet (and inspire, motivate & give strength to other people especially to those who also have a cochlear implant, who are struggling with their new hearing. To give them hope that things do get better. It's not always the case but if you believe then it will!)
To have my poems translated in Croatian (my mother language)
To have my book in local libraries
To have poetry readings and book signing ☺☺☺
To develop interesting projects with Cochlear, Alexander Graham Bell Association and with Hansaton (I'm not sure in what terms but I want to leave that open)
To set a time to write (journal and poems) and stick to it every day
To keep handwritten notes (I have to say this because I have to remind myself of that)

If I come up with some more then I'll let you know! I love my new intentions, they are exciting and I believe that this year will be really interesting! I feel really good now that I wrote down my intentions, I can clearly see them happening. When the time is right it will happen. If not this season then in the next, or the one after the next and so on!

So thank you for reading! I'm ready for another wonderful season!!

Sandra
________________

Link to the BOOK:

http://www.eminor.eu/index.php?page=68

Stop by and visit me at:

Link to my public page on Facebook

Link to the Eminor.eu on Facebook

http://www.inspirational-guide.blogspot.com/
http://twitter.com/mytruestory85

My short biography - Poetry Pieces Of Europe Vol.1

2011-01-05T16:53:00.005+01:00

Hello everyone!!

As promised here's a photo of my biography inside the book. I haven't taken a proper picture on that day when I got it so today I want to share this with you!

Isn't that great? :)) Were it not the "100 Day Challenge" were it not some of my friends I wouldn't be here. Maybe it was destiny, or maybe this is how life unfolded in any case I'm glad how things turned out, even if they weren't always happy. Maybe I needed to have those challenges to get these feelings out of me, maybe that is why I write them down in these poems. I don't know it but I feel blessed that I was able to share this in the poems and share these feelings and the experience.

It all somehow happened for a reason, right at the right place and time. That probably wasn't a coincidence but it maybe felt as "the right time/moment". I could have had my surgery two years ago but I didn't feel ready for it and this year I did and made a huge soaring success with my hearing. I started to hear immediately and over the course of a month my hearing improved, the sound improved a lot and I could understand slowly each day more and more. I didn't even notice how fast this has actually happened!! Too fast if you ask me :)

There are 5 poets inside the book, + myself!

There's more. The finalists including myself, will be the judge for the 2011 poetry competition :))

I'll write more soon! Hopefully still this year ;) if now let me wish you all a HAPPY NEW YEAR 2011!!

Link to the BOOK:

http://www.eminor.eu/index.php?page=68

Stop by and visit me at:

Link to my public page on Facebook

Link to my blogger-fanpage on Facebook
Link to my blogging website
Link to my twitter account

Inside the book - Poetry Pieces Of Europe

2011-01-03T15:08:00.001+01:00

Here's another update!! Hello everyone!!

I should have taken a proper picture of the whole page but that was taken randomly and totally spontaneous. Let me see, I must try to take a proper picture of the whole page as there's a bit more than this. I will do this in the next few days. I'm too tired now. I'm supposed to be in bed ... (O_o) but that is usually the time when I can write without being interrupted ...

Isn't that cool, to be featured there? I wouldn't be here where I am now without you all :) You know that, don't you?? :)) so THANK YOU!!

I have to make this post short sorry... it's late here (O_o)zzz

Link to the BOOK:

http://www.eminor.eu/index.php?page=68

Stop by and visit me at:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/3-Inspirational-Guide-3/125927330751400
http://www.inspirational-guide.blogspot.com/
http://twitter.com/mytruestory85

Some of my poems are featured in "Poetry Pieces Of Europe"

2010-12-28T02:00:00.001+01:00

WOHOOOOO I'm or I was well I still AM EXCITED :)))

Hi everyone!!!

Here's my update, as promised. I promise more will exciting news will come soon!

Yesterday I got the book in my mail box. It was when I came home from hospital. I had a mapping and my audiologist made a few slight changes with my settings and I had this hearing test before I went home. Outside our door, I met my father who told me that my book has arrived and I was so excited that I couldn't wait to open the packet. :) This is also when I opened it and made that video which you saw *lol* I'm sorry I was too hyper.

Here's again this video. I'll post soon an excerpt of the page where I'm featured. I wouldn't be here where I am without you all and the 100 Day Challenge!!

I'm also working on my own book which will come out next year! :) This is fabulous to see how this year has unfolded and I wonder what next year will bring!

I think it's time to update my vision board. My friend Sanya, once sent me a book "Crafting your magical life" and there's a picture of a vision board. I think I have to work on mine or at least set new intentions for the next year :) I plan to make a new season, season 8 next year starting January 1st.

Thanks for reading! I'll write more soon!

Stop by and visit me at:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/3-Inspirational-Guide-3/125927330751400
http://www.inspirational-guide.blogspot.com/
http://twitter.com/mytruestory85

Update on poetry

2010-12-24T11:08:00.001+01:00

Posted Dec 20, 2010

Hello!! I think I'm done with my challenge wow, time flies away. I'm sorry that I haven't posted regularly. I wanted to give you a short update on some things. I'm working regularly on my poems and it is going really well. I hope I will keep that good flow.

I'm close to have 500 written wow after almost 1.5 years that is AMAZING! I didn't sleep well last night. I feel extremely tired... This whole week as like that. I don't know why... Today I woke up at 5 AM (O_o) wow. I'm definitely not a morning person...

Anyway, I plan to make another 100 day challenge, i.e. season 8 yeah =) next year 1/1/11.

My goals will be the same but there will be a few slight changes, which I'll let you know soon. After writing so much I wonder what next year will bring, what inspiration will it bring next year :O? This is exciting! I'll keep this blog very short. I'm not sure if anyone is reading, but if you do - thank you!

I have a new video which I made yesterday but I haven't uploaded it yet. I will do it soon and let you know. THANKS :)

Happy Manifesting!

I was frustrated .... now I feel sort of ok

2010-12-17T21:20:00.000+01:00

December 14, 2010

I'm so frustrated.... I didn't want this blog to be negative but I'm so filled with negativity... I wrote this post thismorning but I had some problems with my computer and had to restart my computer... so I lost the blog because I didn't save it as a draft damn it .. so many things are going wrong this week... that everything makes me angry!!! I need to let out of this anger steam inside me! Not sure how... I'll try it.

Apart from that what is going on? hm. I'm running a bit late with sending Christmas cards to relatives and friends.. but there's time. I still have a bit more than a week before Christmas. Some will receive it in time others after New Year :)

December 16, 2010

I'm glad that I didn't post it but now that I have it saved as draft I'll post it nonetheless... it's just a testimony of my feelings and that day I just wasn't feeling well. I still feel weird and awfully tired. My sleep is soooo messed-up that I tend to sleep 4-5 hours daily ... (O_o) Last night I slept very, very little that I already notice the withdrawal symptoms... but I wrote some poems to kill the time and it helped. At least I did something useful with my time,... he's a short blog. I have to finish writing Christmas cards to my family to send it off. They will probably get it after Christmas because the mail will take much longer as it's this time of the year.

Thanks for everyone's support! I really appreciate it from you all!

I plan to make a new season next year, I just haven't set a date but I'm sure some of you might want to do a new too? if yes please let me know! I need to focus on how I want to create my life, the way I want it to be!! :)

Will write soon!

P.s. I'm still excited to get my free copy "Poetry Pieces of Europe" per mail. It should arrive before Christmas if all goes well with the postage :) I'm excited! I'll make a video when I get it wohoo!! :)

What should I write?? ∆ Too much anger inside me ∆

2010-12-16T17:36:00.000+01:00

Post from Dec 13, 2010

I'm not sure what to write anymore and you guys are so silent lately *lol* :) but it's okay, I don't mind. I was silent too LOL :)

I had a tough week and the past few weeks were a bit strange. I mean I am doing well. I found a few man in my life and he is really amazing and our relationship is doing well. I really like him and we seem to get along very well.

However a few things just kept me down in the past few days that I simply don't know what to do to stay positive. There is just so much hate inside me that it's really hard... there's so much hate and pain that it's really hurting me.. It's difficult and complicated.

The good thing from this misery that I think I am in (maybe I'm not) anyhow.. from all this I can write some good dark poetry. It definitely isn't nice but it is poetry and I'm sure some people might find it appealing.. I don't know. At least I still keep writing and it is going somehow. I love to do it. I don't see it as a chore. I'm more delighted when I can write. It still makes me say "wow" it's still possible after almost a year still wow.. you know? :) I love it!!

I don't know what next year will bring and how it will turn out but I hope I can write some more. I want to enjoy this creative flow a bit longer and I hope it will last forever :)

Thank you for reading! I'll stop here because I need to get some sleep. I'm supposed to be in the city at 9 AM :)

Sandra

Update on writing

2010-12-08T09:48:00.002+01:00

Hello friends and visitors!!

I'm finally back in shape to start blogging more. I had to take a break from writing. I was very exhausted after Nanowrimo last month. I didn't even write proper journal entries during the month of November. I did a bit but you know me, I'm an avid journaler yet I haven't managed to write much .. in the past 4 weeks. I did have the desire but I was too tired by the time I wanted to .. lol what a story. I have to use my memory and write about the significant days anything else I have to just leave out. It is important to write every day but when you have a long break in between it's hard to go back to the missing pages.

So what is happening in my life??
Did you know that my youtube friend Megan Castran has birthday Dec 8. I made a video for her. If you want to watch it, you can have a look at the video below.

I made the video early in the morning so I seemed to be a bit sleepy and tired lol.

Yes I still write poetry
Yes I still do it and it's great. I had a few a dark week when I just felt blah... but I keep writing. I don't come up with many ideas as I used to but it's still enough if I write every 3rd day :) I'm happy with that! The poems are also much happier so no more drama. I used to be inspired by my life (my poems dealing with hearing issue, deafness, sign language, my cochlear implant surgery and what it's like to be hearing different). Or I have been inspired by others and their lives & stories that I hear from people such as to things that few people like to talk about such as abuse, death ..

Anthology "Poetry Pieces of Europe" is soon out!
I'm very excited. Soon the book will come out very soon! Remember when I told you about the poetry contest a few months ago? The book will feature people from The Netherlands, Italy, Romania & France. They are really a nice group of poeple sharing different stories in their poetry.

Check out their website to stay in touch! CLICK HERE

More videos on YouTube
I plan to make more videos on YouTube. I remember that I made a lot of videos when I stayed at hospital before and after I received my cochlear implant in my left ear about 4 months ago. Why am I not making videos NOW?? I need to improve that. I just felt that now that I have done it and things improved I didn't feel that there was a need for it. However I want to make a few showing my scar and my speech processor and sharing my hearing experience with out. My hearing improved, the success came to quickly. I can listen to music again. I am glad I don't have to give that up and it is not much different to wear a processor than a hearing aid. Yes I have something sticking to my head but I have already got used to that. I'm quite surprised how positive I am right now as I have been a pure drama queen and worried for the past few months before I agreed to let them do the surgery. I just had my doubts and worries and that was quite human.

Things turned out great! By the way I'll meet with a woman who is thinking of whether or not to get an implant. She's already having a hard time to hear and wants to find out more about the benefits of an implant. She also speaks sign language and I look forward to getting together with her and exchange ideas, our experience as being hard of hearing.

I'll take a break here and write more soon!

Thanks for reading and yes yes I am back :)))

I am back to blogging yeah - nanowrimo is over

2010-12-02T23:56:00.001+01:00

I am back.. finally.. well sort off... I still feel very exhausted from all this writing here for 30 days.. People who have not done this madness cannot relate.. they do not know that it can be very tough and that it will cost you lost of energy. I still feel very tired, both mentally and physically. Did you notice? I am writing out each word.. LOL "every word counts" right :P

I am glad it is over although I miss this madness already a bit.. but I do not want to go back.. writing each day is very tough, especially if you miss out a few days.. you are so much behind.. :)

You can see here what my graph looked like during those 30 days. There were days where I did not write and other days where I was soaring :)) Okay enough of this ... LOL =) Congratulations to everyone who did it. Every one is a winner, everyone who was so courageous to give it a try is a winner!

I still keep writing poetry. It is going well, they are not so depressing anymore. My life has been a bit turned up-side down by someone so I write happy poems, they are different but still you will recognize me in there ;) Remember when I told you about the Anthology "Poetry Pieces of Europe", where some of my poems will be featured in the book and also the poems from the other finalists. This is so exciting. Details will come soon but it will be available for order by the end of next week. WOHOOO =)

Thanks for reading and for still spying on my (joke) I mean for following my journey :P

I'll write more soon. I had some practice with nanowrimo so I should be back here :)

Thanks for your patience!! Miss you all!! Yes I do.

Sandra

Wanna hear some news?

2010-11-16T00:25:00.000+01:00

well you have to be patient because nanowrimo takes all my time and I no energy left to keep this blog up-to-date at least for this month but I'll be back very soon!! :) promised!

I'll hopefully write a longer blog about how my talk today :) I had a talk at university about my cochlear implant experience and I recited a few poems. Thanks to everyone who was there. I really enjoyed it and I hope you too! :)

I'll write more soon .. some time later...

thanks! :)

NANOWRIMO | Day 1

2010-11-01T22:59:00.000+01:00

It officially started here and I already have my word count for my first day. I am pretty K.O. right now and it's barely 11 pm and I can barely see.... This is my new motivational poster, with my own picture. I made it today and I hope you will enjoy it :)

I downloaded the program scrivener for Mac and I love it omg! I love it!!! First I was confused by the program and thought I should have tried it out before the writing challenge but it's getting better. I figured out that the software can read out your text with a male human voice and it sounds cool. I tried it out!! A version for win. will come out in a few months too :)

I'm off to bed now. Tomorrow's another day, another thousand words to write (O_o) or maybe less but still, ugh :) but don't forget to have fun! You are GOD, you can create a story, blow life into your characters, make them kill if you don't like them but I won't suggest you do it now. You need to stick with them for a while. So enjoy the creative ride!
Keep writing!

Countdown | site unavailable....

2010-10-31T22:49:00.001+01:00

It should start in less than 1.5 hours and the site is unavailable due to maintenence ... great *lol* but it's okay. I won't come far anway. I'm too tired and will go to bed and do it tomorrow morning. Today we changed the clock, one hour backwards so it's actually almost midnigt and not almost 11 pm so that's why I'm (-.-)zzz

I have no idea what I'll write this year. It's my third year and this time I'm literally blank. I thought I had an idea but I guess I'll drop it. I tend to change ideas very often every couple of hours today so I doubt that I'll stick with the one that I originally decided to use..

I'll go to bed now. I hope I'll have a good start tomorrow and write ... :)

I need to blog more often but poetry writing is very, I won't say time-consuming but I can't do both and probably after doing nanowrimo and my regular poetry writing I'll have a burn-out by Dec 1 st lol Yes I still keep writing poetry and it's going well. :)))

Maybe I write a novel of a wanna-be writer who writes poery wow (how creative)

*goodnight* :)

Preparation for nanowrimo

2010-10-26T00:50:00.001+02:00

Hi!!

First I thought I have a plot and a brilliant idea now I'm not sure about it anymore. Last night I thought I had a good idea but I doubt that I can write 50,000 words about it :O maybe half but not that much... so I'll continue to brood until I find something that I will stick to it :)

I think I'm worn out from all the plotting.. *lol* I think I might start from scratch and write anything and build up that story along the way. I am not sure but all I know that anything is allowed, as long as you keep writing. I could write about different things if I can't make up my mind and then see what I can use in December :)

We'll see it in the end. I'm excited. In less than a week it starts :)))

Which of these two implants do I have in my head?

2010-10-17T08:00:00.001+02:00

Hm, that’s a good question. Maybe I have them both? No that was a joke. I only have one implant in my left ear but as you know by now I had two surgeries so that is why I have those two different serial number for two implants, the first that I got, that somehow made a “tip foldover” and had to be replaced by a new one. There was a time when I wondered which is the one that I have but I figured it out by looking at the registration number, the higher one is the one that I have inside my skull. That one is the new one.

Yes I edited the picture a little bit, even though you know who I am I still prefer to be anonymous :P

Almost three months ago I had my surgery and it somehow seems like yesterday but so many things have already changed. I could hear from the very first day even though the electrode made a tip foldover. I felt that I could hear better with my first implant than with the second which I got a week later. After my second implant I waited two days before I got the processor as I had lots of pain. When we tried it out I could hear but it felt really weird, exactly the way it has to be when the implant is working properly :) I started to hear Mickey Mouse voices, I swear. I still remember how it sounded, how my audiologist sounded, how I sounded. That was just three months ago and I can hear. I could already hear at that time and understand too. We did a hearing test on a CD and I have already scored well and could repeat most of what’s been said. I all the numbers, all the single words only with full sentences I had here and there my problems but it was already a success. My God, I couldn’t believe it as I’ve heard stories about other people and how they struggled and couldn’t manage to get along with their new hearing. For me it was going well, it was a new journey and I was fully open to it. To be honest I enjoyed the journey of new and wicked sounds. I really thought that was funny and it helped me a lot to think in this way as it was easier to accept the recovery process. I adjusted very soon to the sounds and the first week or two was really horrible. I chose to be in silence one week as I didn’t like the sounds, or how the sounds sounded. So I chose to wait a week until the stitches were taken out before I fully embark this new journey. I wanted some silence. Only here and there I was wearing the CI, i.e. when I went out to meet with my friends. My surgeon and my audiologist were all keen to see my progress but I chose to wait. I was very sure that I’d hear as it was proved two days after my second surgery so I stayed in silence for a week. It was going just too fast for me that I wasn’t really prepared for that. Then one week after the stitches have been taken out I started to wear it every day and the journey began.

Today e.g. I am so amazed that I can understand the cartoons on the TV without even looking at the TV. I tried to close my eyes and listen to the TV. I could hear everything. When I don’t pay much attention and get too distracted I don’t hear but when it’s silent I hear everything. In loud environment it’s still hard sometimes but even then I can understand. Even if people are talking silently I can hear. Isn’t that just amazing? When I first got the implant I couldn’t hear a single word of what has been said on the TV and now after almost 3 months I CAN!! WOW!! That went so fast!! :)

Is it possible to write 77 poems in the next 77 days?

2010-10-16T17:01:00.008+02:00

I want to give it a try... :) it's not the first time that I did that. I just need a deadline or somthing totally crazy or irrational that will bring me back on track. Quality will not matter much for the next two months. All that should matter is that I keep writing every day one poem. That sounds easy but it's going to be lots of work. I'm sure Nanowrimo will give me the extra push. I wrote a couple of poems during my last year's nanowrimo as the challenge forced me to write something anything and a poem seemed a good distraction from my actual novel!

I might come back to my this year's novel and continue writing it. I started a story this year in February about my acute hearing loss and I want to finish it. I wrote about the struggles I had in those first few months. I could use what I have written so far and just continue and somehow try to finish the story. It's exciting because I've been thinking for some time what I could write this year and I want to finish this story. I don't want it have another unfinished piece... so I want to continue. I'll continue from the point when I go the surgery and the situation afterwards. I'm sure I can crack out some 50,000 words in November :O :) I've done it already 2 times so this will be my third time this year. If not I'll just start something from scratch and try to make a story out of it but to be honest, poetry writing is a lot easier than novel writing :))

Thanks for reading!

Spending some time with my brother | Collecting stamps

2010-10-15T08:00:00.001+02:00

Hi there!!

I look forward to spend some time with my brother today and this week week. We haven't spent much together lately and I really miss that. He's 6 and started collecting stamps. He loves that. My dad did the same when he was a child and has a few books full of stamps. This is what made my brother be interested in that hobby. One day I told him that I have a stamp with a bird for him but I left it at work. He reminded me of that, the other day. He has a good memory and I told him that I'll give it to hime the next time.

Some of the letters that the company gets have those stamps on it and before I threw the empty envelopes into the bin, I took the stamps. I haven't asked anyone but since the envelopes goes into the trash and the content inside goes to the staff working there, I don't think anyone would mind. If they do then I'll appologize. See how much I care that I did this? I think he'll love it :)

He knows how to remove the envelop that is stuck to the stamp, just put the stamps in a glass of water and let it soak up the water & and you'll be able to get rid of it =)

This is my father's collections. I think he has more than this :) Isn't that cool? From every country he has a few stamps. I think that's why my brother loves it so much!

Against the rules | Two same words shouldn't rhyme together...

2010-10-15T07:00:00.000+02:00

Hallo!!

A little bit of procrastination, a little bit of fear and insecurity but after some time I finally sit down and continued doing it... I still have a lot to do and I still didn't come far but at least I do my part.. I'll have a lot to do in the next few days weeks. Here are some of the poems where I have used two same words in at least one paragraph, in each of those poems and it's against the rule. I am not allowed to use two same words... hm. Can I just ignore the rule? I think that would be the laziest way... ! I hope I can work this out because I'd love to have those poems in the collection, they tell the story of the struggle, the insecurity and my experience along the way.. of how I got my surgery. I don't want to leave out those poems just because I used two same words.

I hope you can read it. :) My hand-writing isn't the best when but I can write in a beautiful way too. I hope I can finish my poems this month! I really hope so. I must make a schedule and set my clock for this, so that I get glued to my chair - for at least an hour each day!! :)

Today for many reasons I felt insecure, a bit scared and I don't need to explain why, you'll figure it out! :) I watched Elizabeth Gilbert's video on TED talk about "nurturing creativity". I love her video, she's a great talker and her video was inspiring. When I feel stuck I watch this video and it usually helps me.

Oh God,... that slows down the whole writing process.... I have so many poems that I have to revise ugh *lol* that's just so depressing. I need a drink! :) I wasn't aware of that when I wrote the poems but I think that's okay, otherwise I would have got stuck. So it was good that I didn't focus on it so much. NOW it's the time to edit them. :) phew....

Okay Sandra, stop it!! Stop all this negative thinking!!! *taking a deep breath* All will work out. I'll find the answer and will fix it! Okay, now that I said it, it's time to do some work. I have started but then I started writing blog. I realized it was more fun to do that first then go back. I found another poem with two words that rhyme (-.-) *rolling my eyes* :D

Alright! It's time to continue! See you later!

I set out the intention

2010-10-13T23:28:00.010+02:00

I just have to share this with you :)

I had this document for a few weeks but didn't bother to have a look what it was.. until today.. I kept this document for almost a month. Today I wanted to know what it was so I don't always have to click "to see it later" you know this other button ... this is what I saw. Those were my notes that I took 25th of Sept. :) about how I'd love to write a poem about Greame and just two days later I wrote one wow!!! how did that happen, that is why this made me smile. I set out the intention. So I guess I just need to write about what I'd like to write and eventually it will happen :) okay, now I really need to go to bed. I thought of writing another blog but I'm not sure about it anymore.. g'night!!

I wish I could write poetry

2010-10-13T22:16:00.000+02:00

ah that was good. I wish I could write poetry. I can write all I have to do is just to write, right? I haven't had the time to do some writing. I did but I was procrastinating on some social media sites so I wasn't really productive, I haven't even written into my journal nor have I been reading... so I can't really expect to be creative. I have to fill my mind with words (food for thought) then I can maybe write. Or it's just a sign that I need a break to get new ideas. I don't feel compelled to write about my ear and I already have a considerable amount of poems about my ear. I'm so proud of them. I really wished to write more about my ear and somehow I did it. :)

Alright that's a short blog for today.. altough it's barely 10.16 PM I am very tired and might drop dead on my bed very soon, so I'll end it here.

Thanks for reading

Password List

2010-10-10T21:00:00.003+02:00

Hi there!!

Yeah another blog ... :) yeah I just feel like sharing with you enjoy this while I'm in a good mood! :P

I created a simple list where I can keep track of all the sites where I have an account. I included for you only the link (as a demostration) you have to fill out the username and password of course ;) I like the idea, it's simple and you can keep track of all the sites. I can't believe how many accounts I actually have wow ... (O_o) too many *lol* the good thing is now I don't have to worry to forget the pw :)

Btw, I can't believe that I spelled "password" wrong (-.-) I didn't even notice it until now *lol* but the good thing it takes only seconds to go to "search" and "replace" it by another word. Please feel free to use it. This can be quite useful!

I urge you to make a similar one! You'd be glad you did it, trust me :) I have a few more things to share, sth regarding poetry readings and stuff. More will come hopefully tonight. I already feel very tired... we'll see!

Thanks for keeping in touch with me!

Poetry collection soon to be published

2010-10-04T23:50:00.008+02:00

Hello!!!

The site of the publishing company is fixed again and is working. It was shut down due to some unexpected events but it's working again. Wow I didn't expect it to so go fast. I was very down when I heard it was shut down and expected it to take longer until it would work again. :)

Here's the book title and the book of the poetry collection from the finalists! More info will come very soon. Check out the link below for more information! It will come out very soon :O

For more info CLICK HERE

Isn't that amazing?? :O In this book you'll find 14 poems from each of the finalists that participated in the contest. I look forward to reading their poems! WOW people!!!! :O That's just so amazing!!! aaahhh some of my toughts are going to be in print :O This makes me speechless because last year I if someone told me this wouldn't believe it :)

Awww, that's beautiful! I can't believe what I manifested!! I still keep writing. It's so much fun. I don't always come up with a poem but when I do it's lots of fun. I've been writing very dark poetry lately. I guess it's time for some spooky Halloween poems :P

Alright I'll end this blog here. It's quite late!
Thanks for reading!! :)

A poem about friendship | Bookmarked

2010-10-04T23:30:00.005+02:00

A Short Friendship Poem

New Friends and Old Friends
Poet: Joseph Parry

Make new friends, but keep the old;
Those are silver, these are gold.
New-made friendships, like new wine,
Age will mellow and refine.

Friendships that have stood the test -
Time and change - are surely best;
Brow may wrinkle, hair grow gray,
Friendship never knows decay.

For 'mid old friends, tried and true,
Once more we our youth renew.
But old friends, alas! may die,
New friends must their place supply.

Cherish friendship in your breast -
New is good, but old is best;
Make new friends, but keep the old;
Those are silver, these are gold.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This short friendship poem was written by Joseph Parry, (1841-1903). His words in this inspirational poem regarding friendships still hold true today.

For more info please visit this site => CLICK HERE

and here are some poetry quotes which I like! Maybe you find something that you like too. I thought too bookmark this site as the quotes are really great! CLICK HERE

Thanks for reading and checking it out =)

You can never have enough of backup files

2010-10-04T22:42:00.014+02:00

Hellouuuu!!! :)

Time for another blog. I'm very tired .... (-.-) but as usually I'll go to bed around midnight or later ... (-.-) zz. I'll try to make it short for anyone who wants to read it. My updates e.g. on Fb are usually short so for those of you who want to keep in touch with me and my "crazy!" life :) you can follow me here as here I can write more and I'll try to post regularly. I need to get into this habit of blogging again.

Today I got my little portable hard drive. I ordered it a week ago and it arrived today at work or maybe it arrived last week I'm not sure.. I've been sick for a few days so I wasn't at work and didn't see it earlier. Why am I sharing this with you because this thing is soo cool and it's little and has sooo much space inside 640GB :O. This one matches perfectly with my MacBook. I only hope I can use it for this one as it says it works only with Windows, let's see. I think this doesn't matter, it's like a USB it works with Win & Mac :)) I just want to have another external hard drive to back-up all my pictures, videos & important documents. Even a hard drive can fail one day and not work anymore. I already have one which I bought a few years ago maybe 6 yrs go or so.. but a bigger one than this white here. I want to be on the safer side and have another back up of all my files and this one I can carry everywhere. It's tiny and light.

I think I'm just scared to e.g. lose my poetry my precious pictures. I have so many pictures from the past 10 years (O_o) wow.... which I still haven't developed as real pictures so I want to have them saved for when the day comes when I'll order the pictures in bulk :))

I have some good news to share but as always I want to keep this separate so I'll write more in the next one. My day started really good today.... I was caught in the bus with no ticket, ah yeah I've been stupid... I had my ticked with me just forgo to put it into that machine "click" damn it.... then I saw them and overlooked the date when I'll need a new ticket... a shit... and I had to pay some 60€ in cash and because of that I was running late ... and arrive about half an hour later at work (-.-) &%$%& (O_o)! I told my manager that I'll come a bit later and told him why, since I have this new phone I can write emails and sent him a mail. I appologized for running late and that I really feel sorry for that. I didn't wish this week to turn out so different and that was anything else than a good start. He wrote back saying "well there's nothing we can do....." sounded like you can't do anything... shit happens.. :)

Otherwise my day was okay, I was too busy doing the paper work upstairs, helping my colleague wtih sorting out papers making it ready for the next step, putting into files etc.. for the accounting procedure. The phone was ringing as usually. I tried to make a good impression and just tried it with every call. It works, it does, though I still missunderstand a lot but thanks to the online address book I can look up the number and most of the time I'm lucky and the number is listed online so I can check who called.

Thanks for reading!! :)

Journaling?

2010-10-02T16:30:00.010+02:00

Hi there! I thought I'd write about poetry but somehow I feel I have to write about this... strange *lol* hm, alright,... :)

I must say, that I haven't been journaling for a while. When I wanted to, I was too tired, this is also why I didn't write many poems. I usually come up with ideas once I've done some pre-writing (i.e. journaling). I see this as exercise and also for personal growth. If I don't write regularly I can't expect to write a poem. I need to practice every day. I need a better schedule. Maybe 10 mintues during the week would be enough and over the weekend I can have a longer writing session. I came up with a few more poems in the past two days. I'll write more about it in the blog.

I love this phrase above about journaling. I found it on a website about journaling. I like the phrase. I am an avid journaler and I think I'll definitely share it with family and a few close friends when the time is right. I already started doing it a bit and when I feel "okay now share them all" I might do it. :)
I do write for myself but it would be a shame if those stories never get shared, so I'll definitely share them one day.

That was a strange blog *lol* maybe I should write about poetry instead :)
Thanks for reading!!

Am doing much better

2010-09-30T13:20:00.015+02:00

Hellouuuuu!

Today I'm doing a bit better. My sleep was much better than yesterday but my nose and my lips are all sore *lol* but otherwise I'm fine. I spent the day at home. I just didn't feel to go anywhere but I'll go out for a short walk today. Those nose drops are really gross and I get watery eyes from it and they leave stains on a tissue but that's okay, they help :)

Wow that must be really an intersting blog about my cold wow... Sandra, you're so creative... (-.-) hm. If you don't want to read it go to another page, why are you still here??! :)) I'll make another blog about poetry. I just thought to keep this separate as this has nothing to do with poetry ;) I have no new poetry. I don't feel in the shape to write some but I was hit by some inspiration only that I didn't take notes so the idea is already lost... hm. Next time!!! I'll probably go outside in the evening. I just look too horrible so I don't really fancy to bump into someone familiar today *lol* :)

Alright, my next blog will be about some poetry I came across on the net and I want to bookmark them so I'll write them here so I can always find them later. AND! Guess what I might start another season tomrorow, why? I feel it's the right time to start and I have a few fellow cocreators who will start tomorrow, so will YOU join me too?? I have lost track in which season I already am but I need to check that. So I might see you tomorrow =))

Thanks for reading!!

Inspirational-Guide has a cold

2010-09-29T22:12:00.000+02:00

Hello!!!

Yes, I have a cold... it's not a bad one, I experienced worse things than this but I didn't feel well last night... I head headache and a running nose yesterday at work it was anything else than pleasant. I had lots of phone calls that day. As soon as I hung up the phone it was rining again... and it went on like this the whole day. I tried to see it positive and tried to smile as it was funny. I just hang up phone and wanted to get myself something to drink when it started ringing ... hm. There were times I was tying the data into the computer, of what the caller told me and I was busy doing this as I had a few notes from 3-4 callers and didn't want to interrup my writing when it was ringing again... I ignored the ringing and hoped that someone else would pick up the phone but no one did then I heard a comment from one of my co workers in the hallway, "Sandra, the phone" .... yes okay... wait!!! (-.-) I felt really horrible, not just because of that but because of my cold too... I couldn't wait until it was time to go home, I couldn't wait to go into my bed...

So on my way home, I was freezing. I mean it was cold but not THAT cold however I felt like I like we had ice age...I liked like I had an uncontrollable shaking. I just couldn't calm down. I guesss I had a bit of fever. . . I tried to imagine some sunshine, warm weather just to calm my body down but it was useless... when I was at home I immediately curled up under my blanket, I still had my pullover on but felt cold (O_o)? hm... it took me a few hours until I shopped shivering..

I felt a bit bad that I have to stay at home whereas there's so much to do at work and when I'll be missing, someone else has to do the job that I do, and yes I do care although it doesn't always seem like this. It's already hard now but when I won't be in the office for 3 days hm... I'm not sure what they will think but I'll think of only the best.

well then, so you know in detail about that day *lol* so the next day (today) I went to my doctor and she prescribed me something and told me to stay at least 3 days at home. So here I am writing this down. I will go earlier to bed tonight (that was good *earlier*) yes... usually I got a bit later to bed ;) will read a bit and then go to bed.

I'm fine today. My nose is red and sore, my eyes are sore too sort of, my ears and throat feel itchy but I'm okay *lol*

Books about writing!

2010-09-18T17:28:00.009+02:00

Hello my dear readers!!

I thought to write about something else today so I can distract myself from the decision that I have to make ... Yep, I was drinking today but this was a cherry liquor which tastes sooo good :) Here are some of the books that I don't want to miss. Some I bought a few years ago, others I got from friends. I put them here so I can always look up something if I need!

I'm not really sure what to write about today... but I felt like writing. I'm still writing poetry yes I do but it's tough at the moment. I only manage to write it at my own expense, in terms of I don't know, my current situation. I'll share one or two with you! Let me know what you think about. Today I was a real couch potato, I didn't feel like going out but I did in the afternoon.

However I know what I'm going to do even if some of you don't agree with this. I feel quite good with the choice. I only hope that others will see that too! I guess that's the blog. Short! *lol* sorry will try to write more in the upcoming days or tomorrow, you never know! :)

I feel stuck but I'm sure that it's only temporary :))

2010-08-21T18:36:00.029+02:00

Hellouuuu my dear readers ;))

Where do I begin? What do I write? I'm enjoying this weekend and next week I'm on vacation so I look forward to write some poetry. I hope I can get inspired to write some prose. I have a bit of doubts ... but we'll see. I just have to keep going.

I really do want to make my living with poetry:

share my poetry with the world
inspire other people with poery
open up a new area in poetry (poems about hearing, deafness, sign language, etc.)
give poetry readings (here and abroad)
meet my readers
meet my cocreators ;)
travel around the world and inspire and share
write more and publish a few books

Why not? I know I do already have a job and it's going but you know, I'd love to do that but I'm also grateful for my current job except that I don't really give the impression that I am. I mean I am really lucky to have so wonderful work colleagues but somehow deep inside my heart, I am longing to have my independet live, to be my own boss, to make my dream come true BUT, I mean I am sure and I do believe that it can happen, I only hope that my work mates will understand that, if I ever happen to make it come true.

p.s. that was my hand when I was at hospital some time in March, when I had my 2nd hearing loss .. :)

I only need a few more poems until I reached the 400 mark, isn't that great?? Yeah I know it's not about quantity but I cannot help myself. I get addicted to poetry writing the more I write :)) and yes I am a prolific poetry writer!! I made it a routine to try to write every day and most of the time it works.. :) hm .. let's see. At the moment I feel stuck. I think I was working hard on writing poetry about hearing and this things that I don't feel inspired at the moment... hm... let's see if I cannot write about that, why not trying out something else, friendship? children?

by the way, I forgot to share. Remember when I told you that there was this poetry contest?? Remember? I'm not sure if I already have told you but if not I'll tell you now. I made it to the third place of the peotry contest and a poetry collection with some poems from each of the participants will come out in November!! YEAH awesome. I'm going to see some of my poems in PRINT!!! :O WOW!! I cannot believe that this is really possible and that it's going to happen. My God, I've been writing poetry for a bit more than a year. I started end of April 2009, but officially May 1st when I made it a goal for the 100 day challenge! WOW people so much has changed since then SO MUCH!!! I really love poetry and cannot imagine not to write anymore. I keep reading poetry everywhere, on the net, from poetry books, everywhere and try to write myself some. I came so far, wow I'm so speechless that I crossed my hands when I had that thought.

What is more unusual is that I've been writing in English, which is not my mother language at all but somehow I feel I can express myself better in that langauge and the English language is so rich in words that I can always find a word to express my feelings in a poem.

I love poetry!!! I also love the fact that some people already asked me for help with their poetry & non-poetry writing projects, imagine that. I don't even feel like I'm skilled *lol* that I can give them professional help but I love the fact that they want MY help or my OPINION! that's sweet and I'll do my best to help them :))) I don't really feel that I'm an expert in my field but it makes me happy! I'm just me, not much different than you! :)))

Anyway, I'll end this blog here. It's already long... sorry I had so much to write :) I might write some more tonight :) Let's see if I can get a poem tonight!

C'mon Sandra, you can do it, just believe and get inspired!!

Thanks for reading! (leave me some comments if you want and I'm sorry for any typos, .. will check it later, I don't have much time to do that right now) :)

Poetry | Rhymes | & Books :)))

2010-08-15T23:01:00.021+02:00

Hellouuuu! Alright it's very late already... but I want to share with you a few things ...

A friend of mine from ccor sent me this book a few days ago. Isn't that sweet of her?? :)) Inside the letter found letter from her. Awee she was so sweet! I just have to share that because it was kind. She ordered the book twice by mistake and asked who wants to have it, she'll sent it and I was the first who responded and she sent it to me. Isn't that amazing how the ccor friendship has grown so close. I mean we are a big but yet a little group of people and I've met some amazing people there. So I'd like to say thank you to Lilou, Laura and Sandy for this group!! It's more then two years since I've joined this online community yeah wow, so much has changed since then :))
and I found this one too in my inbox.. so I am reading two books at the same time, so funny *lol* but it's good! btw, I'll get two more books next weekend so I'll be busy reading! :) that's good! I need to distract my mind and just find something that will keep my mind focused. It's been 3 days since I wrote my last poem, yeah a very long time I know *lol* shhh... ;) I'm used to write every day so I felt really strange. I began to have doubts and thought okay, what if my writing "career" comes to an end?? what then? but then I started flipping though the pages of this book and read that he writes about different things, so if i do not feel inspired to write about my hearing then it's time to move on to another topic... so in the end I was inspired to write that poem that you've heard at the begining. "what more can I give" =)

This evening I was reading my brother this story in German, it's a Christmas story so not really suitable for this time of the year but he wanted me to read this one and I liked it too. I like that the story is all in rhymes from A-Z. =) At least by now you should know that I love poetry =) in English just like in German. I still wonder why I don't write German poetry, somehow I like more to write in English and I feel the English language is rich in words, you can always find a word to rhyme with what you want to say or to express. So I think I'll stick with that language for a while :)))
I hope you enjoyed reading this. It's time to go to bed... This was my compensation for not writing regularly :) will try to write more next week. There's a lot more but I think it's enough now ;) Thanks for reading!

Poetry contest | result: 3rd place =)))

2010-08-09T23:38:00.009+02:00

yeah!! I'm so fuckin tired... :) but I wanted to let you know that I got to know the results form the contest!! If I don't write today, I doubt I'll do it tomorrow. I'll keep it short. Today I heard on fb that I am one of the 7 runner-ups :)) not bad!! I'm so proud of what I have achieved!! See why I didn't tell thís anyone when I first started writing poetry? I wanted to do it in secret, writing is a private act, after all! it's not something that you can share with everyone! However if I hadn't done that challenge season 3 I think or 4 I am not sure, I lost track :) I wouln't be here. You all have helped me to get there by giving me encouragement. I started to do it as a hobby first and I liked it a lot. Somehow all this fell into place!! :O I always knew that I wanted to write a book but I didn't know that this would be a "poetry book" :))

I'll try not to get too excited and spoiled I must work hard and keep that pace and keep going. I'm not done yet. I still got to write a lot :) I just don't feel ispired to write today and I feel I already wrote too much about my hearing issue that it must be really boring to always read poems that always rhyme with the same words "sound", "around", "deaf-profound" wow can I be a bit more creative? hm, maybe it's time to choose another topic but I must write a few more positive poems about that, as the past few that I wrote were not so happy .... (-.-) I don't want those poems to be the last... :) Let's see what the next few days will bring!

so that was my "short" blog post for day. Must go to bed very soon. It's already midnight (-.-) and I didn't even write another poem.. *lol* I know, a break is good too, I don't need to exaggerate it but even if the poem isn't always happy it makes me happy when I can write it all down. ok i must go now, .... until tomorrow =)

Thanks for reading!

pls excuse me if you spotted some typos here or in my past few posts, I'm very tired right now but I'll check it over the weekend :)

Can't think of anything to write

2010-08-07T23:43:00.006+02:00

I can't think of anything to write today and I already feel very tired (-.-)

I'll try to be more creative tomorrow. Although there a few things to share about my hearing proress but I'm tired sorry... ok I'll try to keep it short. I constanly hear strange sounds and it's not one of those sounds that I have to learn what it is... I hear sometimes a silent beep 4-5 times and it's not the batteries I just changed them yesterday and they should be changed every 3 days.. so this can't be because of the batteries.... I fear that something is wrong with my processor... I'm not sure. I'll try to keep a record of those things and report it to my audiologist. I just had a mapping yesterday and how comes I hear those sounds and there's also another hissing sound that I hear from time to time. When I come close to my keyboard I can hear how loud my laptop is WOW :O or when I put my phone close to my ear it makes this hissing noise too. I doubt that I'll be able to do phone calls with my new phone (-.-) so anyway, that was basically what happened today. AND =) I wasn't in silence, I couldn't resist the tempation to hear again so I changed batteries and wore it. Only for a short while this afternoon I took the processor off my hear but otherwise I do wear it all the time.

I'll write soon! Thanks for reading

I hear quite good | already

2010-08-06T15:02:00.017+02:00

Hello!!

Time for another blog post. I'm doing well. Just came back from hospital. I had another mapping session and we checked my hearing. All is going well. I hear good. My audiologist is happy that all goes well and I have great results. I hear better than with my hearing aids? How cool is that? He says I'm make a very good progress and he is happy that all turned out so well. Bear in mind that I had two surgeries just a few weeks ago. I'm glad about that too. It's amazing, all of a sudden I hear from inside my head not through my ears directly, I cannot describe this feeling but it's amazing and how fast it works :O wow it made me speechless.

While I was writing this blog my batteries went empty again, again??? I changed them on Tuesday and they are again empty, after three days?? (-.-) wow.... I must get used to that. I bought two packets with 6 batteries in each of the packet and I fear that I might not have enough but I did a calculation so I'll be fine this month still.. what if I hear a lot to music the batteries will soon be empty oh great.... So I decided that this weekend I'll be "in silence" I will change my batteries on Monday morning. So that will give me two extra days *lol* that's saving eh? I'm crazy I know but I don't mind that. It's fine with me. Sometimes silence can be good too!! BUT ... in the end I put them back why? becaus I had the choice.. I went outside and wanted to hear so I ended up changing the batteries.. Anyway, I'll still be in silence a few hours, when I am e.g. reading a book I don't need to hear, it's even better for the concentration or e.g. when I vacuum I don't need to hear either, why wasting the batteries on this noise?? =)

Thanks for reading!

I need to practice my hearing

2010-08-04T13:37:00.018+02:00

Hi there!

I'm blogging daily yeah ;) at leat this week I can do it. Next week I'm back to work and will probably have less time to write here...

I haven't gone to the River - only once a few days ago but with my parent's bike. My bike is broken, I mean my chain fell off a few weeks ago and I lost it somewhere in the city.. .stupid... (-.-) Now I need to have my bike repaired...

I need a speaking partner

I just started wearing my implant for a week. I did wear it here and there right after I got it but I needed a bit time before I could fully jump into this new world of hearing. It was going way to fast for me so I didn't want that immediately. It was a shame since I've received the processor a day after my surgery... usually you'd have to wait for a month before you get the speech processor. I should have made more use of it but I just needed some time.

Anyway, I'm looking for friends who'd chat a bit with me so that I can practice my new hearing. I must do lots of exercises on my own and whenever I have the chance talk with someone and practice, listening, in silent and loud environment. I hope to get in touch with some friends. I must get more exposed outside in loud environment too and practice you know? =) but I believe I'm on the right track. I already hear and can understand even without lipreading. Wow yeah!!!

I still keep writing poetry but today I didn't come up with one.. it's okay though, the day just started. =) but I'm used to write every day that when I don't write one immediately I get nervous, can you believe wow ... (-.-) I must take it easy. I already have A LOT. As of today I've written 372 poems YEAH really!! Awesome eh? I started writing in 2009 and kept on all until today. Wow, THAT is PERSISTENCE!!!! I just love it :))) Anyway, if anyone is reading, which I know you are (my ccor friens, my center friends, yeah yeah) ;P enjoy it. More will come soon.

I must go back to journaling today. I wanted to write yesterday but by the time I turned on my computer I was very tired... I didn't get far. I was better when I was at hospital, seriously. I had ALL the time. I do have the time NOW but I just get too distracted by other things. I think I must go OFFLINE, off the net ;)

Thanks for reading,

Sandra

Picked up my CI suitcase

2010-08-02T14:24:00.007+02:00

This morning I went to hospital to pick up that suitcase that I still had there. I had an appointment on Friday and we did a mapping and adjusted a few things. I got a gift, a koala bear with a toy CI, which I gave to my brother so he can play with that. I'll post some more pictures later. I was surprised when my audiologist said that this suitcase was for me too. I was like "what this too? I thought I already got everything that I need, .." obviously not. :))

It was quite heavy.. :P. I wonder what's all in side. I had a quick peak inside last week when I went to hospital. Can't wait to open it :))

I must study the flyers to see whether everything that I need is inside :))

Will write soon! Thanks for reading :)

The stitches are out

2010-07-28T19:39:00.005+02:00

Yo, I had the stitches taken out finally yeah!! It wasn't even that painful. I expected it to be worse but it wasn't. Of course I felt something but it wasn't that bad. Here are some pictures from today alone with one from the hospital hallway where I was there a week ago :)

I don't have any pain but feel a bit exhausted... even though I try to go to bed early.. last night e.g. I didn't sleep well. Went to bed at midnight, woke up at 1.30 am, then fell asleep again and woke up again at 4.30 am ... (-.-)

I had to wait till I came home to see my scar. A friend of mine saw it first and said that she can see how the surgeon made the "cut" wow really, let me see that. I had to go home to see it myself, when I took my camera. wow it looks gross (maybe not so much but a bit) but the scar is healing great. anyway, that's my short blog for today!! Thanks for reading! =)

Had my second CI surgery

2010-07-24T09:48:00.011+02:00

Hi friends! I'm back... back to blogging wohoooo :))) Here are some of my pictures that I took while I was at hospital. yeah yeah, I took many pictures and wrote a lot into my journal that's awesome. It helped me to keep my sanity. I had to undergo a second surgery because the electrode did not lay there properly in my cochlear which an x-ray and a hearing test has showed. The second surgery which took place on Wed, 21st was a bit painful. The first one wasn't so much but I'm glad that it's over. Yesterday they let me go home. I am doing okay, still feel very tired and have a bit of pain here and there but I have pills to take so I'm fine now. I was writing a lot while I was at hospital and took many pictures.

okay I'll keep this short sorry... but I'll update this blog regularly at least for now when I'm on sick leave I do have the time do so some writing.

My vacation....

2010-07-11T13:01:00.003+02:00

in a collage... (did I spell it right?) so anyway, here's a photocollage that shows what my holiday was like together with my little borther =) I don't feel like writing much about it so I put this picture here. 3 days until my surgery wow I'm slowly getting excited. I'll keep this blog here and write about my new jourey. So it will be intresting in the next few days, weeks. . so keep checking it out :) thanks!!

I'm back

2010-06-23T08:58:00.004+02:00

I am back, finally!! It was great!!! I have to chat up on my blog there are so many things ugh.. and I'm due for the surgery in just a few weeks, July 14th ugh :))

My muse is hiding

2010-06-10T23:07:00.008+02:00

Hi there! Finally another blog... yeah!! I wanted to write but I always got distracted by other things... it was easier when I had not internet access a few weeks ago *lol*. I fell asleep a few hours ago without the intention and now I'm so FULLY AWAKE that I tought to write a bit in the hope that I'll get tired... :) I haven't written any poetry since I don't know?? I tired to write some here and there and then I had troubles with my USB and I lost some of my poems. Luckily I got them back except one "about this one song I've been listening to" which inspired me. Never mind... it's sad though and it makes me angry that I can't remember the words anymore of my poem agrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!! When things like that happen you are smarter. I still need to backup my files and print them out (-.-).

Anyway, I just don't feel like writing at all... I don't have inspiration ... I know it will come back I just need a break. Apart from that... I'll try to make it short, it's late and I'm trying to fall asleep but it's not really working... so anyway, i still have problems with the phone but my colleagues they tell me that it will be better after the surgery but what if it doesn't? oh yeah those "what-if questions" ;) but what if I don't get the result I wanted?? It's hard ... I mean most of the time I figure out who called by looking up the number in the online telephone book wow thanks for the internet otherwise I'd be screwed up .... (-.-) Today, I mean yesterday I had a woman on the phone and I couldn't hear her name and I asked three times and then she was like "is this the company xy?" why does she think it's not only because I didn't hear her...? SIGH it's really frustrating.... and now that we have real summer weather (finally) it's also very hot in the office and we do have an air conditioner or this thing that's blowing cold air but it doesn't feel like it's helping and because of this machine it is loud for me when I have to do phone calls. They said they can switch it off if I want that and I said oh no it's okay.

I hope I'll finish this blog soon but I'll post it for now so you don't have to wait for so long to read sth. new from me ;)

And the good weather goes on

2010-06-06T15:31:00.007+02:00

First of all. You have noticed that I put on most of my pictures a kind of watermark and you maybe ask yourself why? Hm, well. If you e.g. came across my site by accident and like some of my posts / pictures and show it to friends you can immediately see where the pictures comes from. Does it make sense? Sometimes pictures are reposted so this you can tell where it comes from. Does it make sense? You know what I mean. So anyway,...

I had a fabulous day today!!! It's sunny again yeah!!! I had to retrieve some of my poems because my "USB" didn't want to work all of a sudden and it scared the hell out of me but luckily I did get back most of my poems only one is lost forever. I cannot recall how it goes.... darn it but everything else is back so phew.... I must be smart and print out my poems as soon as I have them. A few weeks ago I couldn't even do that because nothing worked, neither my laptop nor my printer. Phew what a story anyhow I had a fantastic day today. Unfortunately tomorrow it will rain.

Anyway, thanks for reading! Maybe you'll hear from me again tonight ;)

Enjoying the sunshine

2010-06-05T23:32:00.009+02:00

Guess where I am today?? It is so beautiful today that I decided to go out for a little ride and came here. On my way here, I stopped by at my friend’s coffee shop and chatted with my friend who’s working there. Today it’s such a sunny day that I couldn’t resist to come here.

It’s been raining for the past few days that I could only stay inside but today it is finally warm. This warm weather won’t last for long so I will enjoy it today. I wanted to be a bit alone and have a bit time for myself. It’s not that I don’t have that time but I just need at least an hour or so for myself then I will give all of my attention to the rest of the family. It’s very sunny.

I love this place and gosh, I really missed to write into my diary. I wasn’t able to do that as I always got distracted and I was procrastinating and somehow I didn’t feel this drive but I got it back. I think it’s important to take a few minutes off from everything else and take a few notes. Later when I get older and read back all those memories, I’ll be very glad I did that.

There's actually more but I feel sooooo awfully tired that I'll stop here and hopefully write more tomorrow. Goodnight! :)

P.S. I didn't do any poetry writing today. I didn't feel inspired enough but it's okay. Tomorrow is another day where I can try ;)

Thought-provoking poetry

2010-06-03T16:57:00.025+02:00

Hi my lovely readers! Yes that's me on the picture but it's an old one ;P I wrote this poem a while ago. It's about me doing phone calls and not understanding the people on the other line. It makes me pretty pissed when that happens and it does happen very often (-.-)

It's more from the other perspective. I just feel so pissed.... I feel a bit better but still inside I'm on 180° lol. I really do hope that later after the surgery things will get better with phone calls but you know where my heart wants to go. In the meantime I will do what I have to do and somehow everything will fall into place, I just need to have faith although I lack this...

It makes me very, very upset, when I don't hear the other person on the phone. Sometime I do hear them but there are times when I don't and those times are bigger... well it's hard to explain to an outsider how I hear and why sometimes it works and other times it doesn't... I'm sick of all this I swear!!!! But okay, I need to give the surgery a chance and my company too because they are patient with me although they still want me to do my job well. I owe it to them, that's right but I feel very unhappy with my current situation... I'll just try to bitch less about it and just be silent and wait for day ZERO when my surgery will take place. Gosh, this waiting time is really driving me crazy. I will be glad when all this is over!!!

How did you all spend your last 40 days with your own natural hearing? Or were you just too busy that the waiting time passed by very fast? I am nervous and I felt horrible in the past few weeks. I feel I'm alone with all those worries and fears and problems (which might seem little to an outsider) .. and I have this ringing in my ear which isn't so bad as I do hear again so it's not that distracting but if I didn't hear anything at all it would drive me crazy.. I need to fill out the questionnaire about my surgery and get informed about the anesthesia and go to hospital so they can tell me all about it. I need to do that a few weeks before the surgery, so I need to do that very soon. I was procrastinating with that. .

Anyway, tomorrow I'm working and then I have another two days off :) I hope the weather will be nice so that I can go outside and do some writing outside. It's been raining for weeks it's really annoying me.... I want some sunshine damn in!!!

Happy Friday

2010-05-28T21:11:00.006+02:00

SORRY FOR THE TYPOS... darn it I must spell-check before I post this ;)
Hi my dear readers!!

Happy Friday!!

I've been absent for a while as things have been a bit crazy in the past few days and I wasn't feeling well either but now I feel a bit better still not 100% but much better than what I felt. I guess it's because the weekend just started so I just have to feel good *lol*

I don't know what to say. At least now I can write again.... It's been crazy... I cannot explain but I had a hard time to sleep in the past few days and had horrible nightmares that I couldn't rest. I still have some 47 days until my surgery and I am already worried and driving myself crazy, no I'm not but I just cannot switch off my mind, something inside is worrying me and I guess my bad day with the phone calls at work doesn't make things easier either... so I'm even more worried that sometimes I just wish to totally lose my hearing for once and all. I guess I'm crazy for saying this.... I'm sorry I just am not feeling so well when I do those phone calls. Sometimes it works then there are times when it doesn't and most of the time I feel pissed. It's hard to explain to others how I hear and why I obviously hear different as others and why I always understand things wrong..... I will stop here, I feel so tired *lol* and sorry that I have no picture at the moment... lol wait I do have one. check this out. I love my new mac :) and I love the feature that it has "this dictionary" :)

Thanks for reading!!!

3 fountain pens for poetry writing

2010-05-23T19:01:00.005+02:00

Yes, I really need three *lol*. My computer is on the blink. It actually does work only that I have no access to the internet which sucks... *gosh* I'm so dependent on it omg *lol* but I really just need to check emails daily even if I do not always get some *lol* :) So that's why I've been a bit absent here. Never mind.

Remember the tiny one I had? Yes a little one a Sony Vaio, it was a good one, had a small keyboard but I was able to write on it, only that this one doesn't work properly so I could throw it away, it's totally useless but it helped me and served me for my writing but I got myself a new one, an Apple :) I can't wait to get it next week.

At least today I could prove that I can even write poems without the computer and without the internet. I do not always need to look up rhyming words. Most of the time they are in my head which is good :)

So anyway, I rewrote some of my poems into my other note book (notepad-thing), I like to have at least one version of the poems handwritten, just in case something goes wrong wtih my computer and everything else. I just like to be on the safer side :) and it's nice to read them all handwritten :) My hand writing isn't that bad as I thought :) So yesterday I bought myself some more note books as the one that I use is almost full and I need a new one. I have a little note book which I carry with me almost everywhere. I never go out without pen and paper :) and then I saw this nice green fountain pen that I had to take it *lol* yes I need it :)

So anyway, my day was okay. It could have been better but okay. Anyway, that was my update. I am not sure when I'll write. I can only do that at home and then just put all on the USB and just post it later hm.. not sure :)

I'll see. Thanks for reading :)

My inspiration box

2010-05-13T23:13:00.007+02:00

Hi there!!! I was really tired in the past few days and not really myself in my head. It took me long to "wake up" mentally and now I have recovered a bit from this tiredness *lol* I wanted to post this earlier but things have turned out different.

I felt a bit blocked in the past few days although I try to write every day and I do come up sometimes with a poem, not always but at least I try. So today I wanted to share with you my inspiration box. I as a writer, keep a lot of notes and have them almost everywhere and my desk tends to get a bit messy from time to time and I don't like to throw away paper, especially my notes that I made with lines here and there as I always think that I might need them so I thought about making a little box where I can keep those notes, just in case I feel not inspired to write I can look into that box and dig in all the little note that I have.

For those of you who have troubles finding things I urge you to get yourself a little shoebox and put all the important sheets and things you want to keep and know where they are in that box and put it on the top shelf. This way you will never misplace things and will know where they are when you need them. What do you think about this idea? Just put everything in a box and put it on the top of your self, or cupboard!

Tanks for reading. I'll try to write more soon but I always get distracted by other things :)

I need some inspiration | Where is it?

2010-05-13T14:48:00.014+02:00

Well, that pretty much explains my current situation *lol* I feel stuck... I think it's because I feel tired and so I'm not in the best mood to write. I feel so exhausted. Okay I'm procrastinating... I do have time but don't know what to write. I lack inspiration.

Update so far, hm.... I hardly have the time to do much writing. I barely manage to write poetry in the morning, in the bus or after work but even then it's though.... otherwise things are going okay.. I'll show persistence and keep doing what I do for some time till I can develop my hobby further and make it more than just a hobby! ;) It will take some time and I need to have patience. I wish it could go faster but I must be patient.

I can hear this ringing agian in my ear and I am tired and I have slight headache... somehow I want to take an aspirin, just because it feels so convenient, in the hope I'll feel much better afterwards... I think it's the weather....

I am tired
and can't get inspired,
to write
or to get an insight...

I don't know what else to write. I'll stop here and maybe continue later on this blog, not sure. I don't feel like writing much.

Thanks for reading!

2010-05-03T20:08:00.007+02:00

Inspirational-Guide, April 26, 2010

Today I wrote a poem for my friends of the 100 day challenge. I've been doing this challenge more more than two years and I have found life-time friends on this site. It's true, I have never met them in person, but we shared so much and we followed each others journey that they became my friends. I'd love to meet them one day and I know that it will happen very soon, when the time is right. This poem is for "you" to show you my gratitude! Thanks for being my friend!!! :)

If you like to hang out with me please do and leave me comments. If you're too scared than just write the first letter of your name *lol* just kidding. Thanks for reading!!!

I'm at 18,000 words

2010-04-07T09:39:00.009+02:00

Hello my dear readers,

Finally another blog update… I don't know where to begin. I kept myself busy with writing a lot. I am really determined to keep this "project" going for at least 30 days like a little Nanowrimo only that I'm doing this now and now in November. I feel driven to take notes of me and the things, anything that is related to hearing, my experience. I wonder if I already have this experience but I feel like doing it so I'll do that. As long as I keep writing anything it is good, it keeps me going. I still write here and there a few poems but not that much as I did last month were I wrote 3-4 poems daily. Yes, can you believe? I am still amazed that this was possible. Somehow I like it when I have a deadline or something that pushes me to go to the limit, this is very good for the creativity. I've been thinking again about the surgery which I still don’t know when I'll have it or if I'll have it at all since I do hear again with my hearing aid. I have to wait a bit more than a week before I will speak with my surgeon and then I will hopefully know when I could possibly have that surgery, until then I will use every free minute to write. I feel really blessed that I can do that right now. I am not sure how things will look next week whether I'll have to go back to work. I am sure many things will change after my surgery, I don't know how but I know it will all be good.

I was in a dark mood last week why? Oh well let's say I just wasn't feeling so well. I won't go much into detail here since some of my Austrian friends are reading this blog too, that's the bad thing of letting them know, you can't write privately anymore :P just joking it's fine, eventually they have to find it out. There are other friends whom I will tell because I will share here my "ci journey" here and I will use youtube and post videos from time to time so I will slowly let them know. There are some whom I want to know and read this here. It's good to keep the in touch this way rather than sending emails. You just copy and paste this link and ta-da they can read and hear what's going on.

At present I feel quite okay. I'm outside enjoying the warm weather and I wrote almost 2,600 words today. I'm on a good track :) I think I'm at 18,000 today which is where I need to be. I'm sure that most of my writing is not interesting to my reader but I need every word so I will leave it there and later some time I can go back and edit all this here. (I mean the story, I'm currently working on) ;)

In the past few days I read so many great blogs about other people and their journey or their experience with their implant. I love it. I have bookmarked a few sites so I can check them out again and hear their stories. Each of them is unique. Most of them are quite positive, only from time to time I read that some of them had a negative experience, not with the implant itself but rather with the nurses at hospital who were not so hostile but all was relatively positive.

There's one question I have. Can a defibrillator kill you or your implant rather than helping you? I know this is a horrible thought but can that be possible? Huh, what a thought. I'll use this as my writing prompt for my writing.

Have a nice day.
I'll write to you very soon! :)

Catch-up

2010-04-03T22:25:00.004+02:00

Hey! I hope you all are doing well and getting ready for Easter. Yay tomorrow's Easter. I have a couple of things going on but I'm too tired to write now, so I'll keep this short and just say 'hi' to you all. I've been doing a lot of writing in the past few days. My little "story" is at bit over 11,000 words not bad and it's my 7th day so I'm doing quite well. I try to write 1667 words each day, it's more like a diary so for but it's okay as long as I have the basic I can alway change things and play around make it sound more like a novel whatever ;)))

will write more soon.

Writing a bit

2010-03-28T12:47:00.009+02:00

Yesterday I went back to my novel that I started a few weeks ago just for my own pleasure. I had to put it on a break because I was busy with writing poems and yesterday I felt like going back to it. I haven't been able to write a poem since Friday and started reading this book here:

"Rebuilt by Michael Chorost"

You can order the book here .

The owner of "The English Center" is a good friend of mine and her book & coffee shop is based in Austria BUT they can deliver the book to your home address in the US, just make sure you mention it or if you have any enquries just drop them a mail ;) They have a Facebook fanpage too. If you want you can check it out. Click here! I love this place and here I love to go to practice my English and browse for some good books.

Anyway, so I was reading this book although I'm already reading Lilou's book. First I started flipping through the pages and got hooked by the book. Is it okay to read two books at the same time? I know I'm crazy ... :) I love his style of writing and I got to this page where he writes about his hearing loss and his tinnitus and all of a sudden I felt like I have to go back to my own story and write a bit. I know there's time with that. This is just for myself at first then later I'll see what I'll do that story but I want to write it down while my memory is still fresh. So I switched on my laptop and opened that file and wrote a page. One page is enough. I started from the point when I noticed changes with my hearing, when my voice sounded so strange and how it all started. I still have to go on but yesterday I felt so motivated that I gave it a try and it was good. I will work on it when I'm in the flow and will keep track of you journey. Each journey is different. Although I already wrote poems about my hearing loss I feel like writing a "story" about it too. Why not? I'd love that!

I'll write to you soon! Thanks for reading!

Editing my poems

2010-03-26T16:50:00.012+01:00

On Wednesday, I went out to the River to enjoy the weather since I can't do anything else. I'm still on sick leave and should I just stay at home? Why? I mean can I not enjoy the weather despite being sick? Or should I feel guilty that I can do that? So why not? So or so I'm not hearing 100% and can't do anything else so ...

So I went out to edit my poems and prepare them for the submission. I was really excited about it. I love all of my poems. Each single poem tells a different story and believe me, even I needed a break at some point from the poems. I mean I was half through the poems but needed some time off *lol*, I couldn't read them all at once. Nontheless, it was fun and I enjoyed the whole day outside. I was even able to write another poem after this little edit. It took me a couple of days, including some procrastination, to finish the editing and to finally send off the the poems.

I was really excited to send them off today. omg, I was quite nervous *lol* It took me an hour or so before I clicked on the "send" button. I was scared and then I did it!!!!!!!!! aaaahh!! What a feeelinnggg! Awesome!!! Now I can kill the time by reading books yay and just wait.

I still want to go on with poetry and see if I can write something I will but I do not feel so compelled to write about those hearing issues anymore. I feel like I said everything in my poems and there's nothing that needs to be said, at least not now. I feel like a sponge whose water is squeezed out :) However, I will come back to this topic some time later!! I'm sure I'll have many more experiences with the hearing when I get this implant and I'm sure I'll be able to use those challenges and write some poems about it. But for now I'll take a break ;)

I'll write to you very soon!! thanks for reading!

I did it!!!

2010-03-21T18:01:00.015+01:00

I'm sorry my dear readers that I wasn't much active here in the past few days. The poetry writing was so time-consuming but I wanted to get this done before the end of this month.

I'm finally done with all the poems!!!! Oh my God!! I'm so happy!!! Aaaa!!! Phew.. what a week. I wonder why I was so productive, was it because of this poetry contest or just because after almost a year of poetry writing I have already developed a routine and this creativity which I have right just starts to flow. I don't have much to do much, it's like magic. I have this content feeling that I will come up with a poem every day and it really happens. I have this confidence that every day I will come up with at least one poem. It all falls into place. Wow, this was a really creative month. I've never written so much in three weeks and I still have one more week to go before I should start to do the finals and submit the poems for the contest.

I didn't have much to do with the writing. All of a sudden it was there! I cannot explain it to you but it really feels like magic and it feels good! No it's not like magic, I'm finally ONE with my inner self! Of course, there were times when I would just stare and then after some time I'd start to write. Sometimes I'd write only a few lines and move on to the next when I see that the current one doesn't lead me anywhere. Then the next day I'd use the one from yesterday and finish it. I am really happy when I can be this productive and do something that I like to do. Here's one of my short poems, that fits in here perfectly:

How do I write all this
I have no idea.
Every day I keep writing
and still have this fear.
Every day I go on
and write another line.
The poem takes shape
and turns out to be fine!!

This feels GOOD!!!! :) I think, next month I'll write less than what I did this month and just take it easy, if inspiration flows I'll go with the flow if not that's fine!! I won't beat myself up as I know that I can do it!! If not today, well then there's another day waiting to give it a try.

Courage means to try it tomorrow!!

I'll be posting regularly. I just had to do that and now I can devote my time to you and keep you updated on all the other things with hearing etc.

Here's a poem that I really do like! check it out! I found it on the internet. See above:

Thanks for reading! Have a nice rest-weekend!

OMG-AHA moments

2010-03-16T23:07:00.013+01:00

Here's a little update. I'm sorry for not writing so regularly. Have been writing my butt off last weekend, it was really crazy but I loved it.

On Saturday I had one of those OMG-AHA moments *lol* I was printing out some papers and then looked at the pages from distance and saw how much there was text, half the page full of text before another paragraph begins and I was like *omg did I write all this* it seemed a lot and those were all my thoughts. I wasn’t aware of that before. I was like “was this all in my head? Really?” totally in disbelief :)

Have a great day!!

Who am I?

2010-03-13T11:52:00.006+01:00

Hi there!

Thought to post this video here from one of my YouTube videos. That's me *lol* :) I've been talking about poetry as I love to write them and I have been writing for about 11 months. Quite cool eh? The more I wrote the better it gets!! :)

Will write more later, when I have more time!

Day 12 | Writing my experience in a book

2010-03-12T19:48:00.017+01:00

Hi there!! I would love to use my experience about my new challenges facing towards my new hearing and put it all together in form of a book. Would you be interested in reading it? This was one of those unusual ideas that I had and I already started writing today. I'll do it as a little writing challange this month and see how much I'll be able to get in 30 days. There's no need to hurry I know. I guess it will take me much longer but that is fine. I'll go with the flow.

I've been procastinating a bit with this program "Booksmart" Here is the link "click here". It's a great site and good for visualisations as well. I thought I just play around a bit with that program. I had it for a while on my computer but haven't used it much.. If you ask me it's very cool and looks like it's finished ;) Yay!!

Every day something happens that's worth to write about!

I went to the post office today to send off some letters and I hoped that no one would ask me questions - WRONG - *lol* people did and I felt like an older lady who had to ask at least 5 times to get the word. No offence against some of my readers. I felt like odd...

I forgot to mention something else.. not that it matters .. this morning while I was preparing breakfast, I tried to make loud noise with the knives and forks to see sounds like .. I can hear it and then I started to sing *lol* yes.. so as to hear what my voice sounds like. It sounded totally different, so strange, it still does, that I ended up being in tears when I finished the song... :(

I don't know what else to say, I'll keep this short today. I've been brainstorming a bit about that book and I'll let you know how it goes! Thanks for reading!!

Nanowrimo| Are you stuck??

2009-11-04T15:13:00.014+01:00

Hello! A short update on my nanowrimo challenge. It's my 4th day and yesterday I felt a bit stuck and not really into the mood to write so I wrote something a bit off track. I am sure that I will do a lot of cut and paste after this month but that should not be my worry at the moment. Editing is for December or whenever you feel ready to do so.

Today I was a bit more productive but I still need a few more words and then I'm done for today. I had this wonderful thought.

Remeber when you were at school and had to take an exam. There was this tricky question and you just didn't know how to answer it but but then you thought if I do write something as an answer anything at all it will still count.

The teacher can then decide if he gives you a point or not or just half the point BECAUSE you have written somthing. See the same goes for NaNoWriMo. If you do write something you can later decide if this can be used for sth. your story at the end of this month or not but I you haven't written anything at all then you can't do it. Does that make sense? So each time you feel blocked just tell yourself "I'm going to write something anything, even if this currently does not have anything to do with my story. I can delete it later after this month. If I have something written then I can also choose if I'm going to keep some of the paragraphs or not." :))

Well, I hope that makes somehow sense. I'm quite into it and feel already a bit scatter-brained but it's fun. :)) so keep writing!

Have a great day

My first 561 words of NANOWRIMO 2009

2009-11-01T09:27:00.012+01:00

Chapter 1

"Where should I begin? And I thought that my life would be easy but it was not. It all turned out different, in a way, I never expected it or dreamed that it would happen. So how do I begin writing my story? How do I best explain the incidents which are still so vivid in my head as if it all happened yesterday whereas it happened a while ago? How do I best explain all this to you without causing you any further pain but yet make you understand the situation better? I am scared to write about it but you just have to know it and sooner or later you would find it out yourself. I wanted to save you the embarrassement so I will do the first step and tell you everything." she did not realize that she was thinking aloud.

She looks into the mirror and does not recognize herself anymore.

"Oh, I look so broken." and touches her forehead. She does not regoznize this face in the mirror anymore.

"I am not this happy woman I used to be but there is little hope" she runs her fingers trhough her hair.

"There is little hope that is growing inside me, I can see it and it gives me hope." She keeps starring at her other self in the mirror and then looks down to her stomach and is lost in her thoughts.

"There must be a reason for all this." she looks up.

"I have been told that everything happens for a reason and there is a reason for why those things happened to me." she sighs aloud. She hasa hard time to focus on the good things but just tries to keep it all together, her life, her situation for the child's sake.

All of a sudden she felt a bit dizzy and decided to sit down and went to her bed. She could feel her pulse beating fast in her head in a quite unusual irregular interval. There was this pressure inside her head as if her thoughts wanted to break out of her skull.

"Oh make this stop." she told herself, while rubbing her forehead so as to ease this uncomfortable pain, which she felt inside her head. She tried to close her eyes and think of soemthing beautiful to distract her mind. She breathed heavily. This beating pulse she could still feel in her head and she was not sure whether this came from this thing growing inside her or from thinking too much about the other stuff that happened.

She feels very exhausted lately and decided to take a little nap which she would definitely do her good. She turns around. She just cannot sleep on her stomach as she did before. It just feels uncomfortable and makes her feel nauseous so she turns to the other side. She was about to fall asleep when she thoguht she just heard something and got up after taking a deep breath. She thoguht she was being paranoid but it did not let her in peace so she had to get up and check from where this strange voice came. Or maybe this voice is just coming from inside her head? She has no idea but took all her strength to get up and look for the source of the voice.

10 Memories from the past 12 months

2009-10-26T16:21:00.017+01:00

Here's my list of 10 memories from the last 12 months.

I hope you will enjoy them

Make your own list as a response on your blog and let me know about it!

1. September 09:

The month where I wrote one of my longest poems ever. YES, this just has to be mentioned because my first poems were pretty short when I first started writing them and now the more I write the better I get with them - I can expand them easily (well mostly)

2. August 09:

Having fun days with my brother at the swimming pool. This summer wasn't that hot but when it was warm, we went to the swimming pool and had a nice time there.

3. July 09:

My Meet&Greet with the singer Anastacia. That day my dream came true. I'll forever treasure this moment in my heart. :)

4. June 09:

Cycling almost every day to the River where I got most of my inspiration for poetry. Sometimes I would just spend hours starring into the water or into the sky other times I would burst with inspiration. It was always a hit & miss thing, you never know when inspiration might strike. In my situation it usually does when I'm on my way going somewhere. Luckily I didn't have an inspiration at the toilet that would have been the weirdest place to be creative Ha-Ha :)

5. May 09:

I participated in the AMREF-race, not this big one but just this other 5.5k race. It was tough I can't deny but pretty cool at the same time. I think I'll do this every year.

6. April 09:

The last two days before May, I started to write poetry. It just hapened for no special reason. I just felt like trying it out and this turned out to be one of the most rewarding experiences I ever made.

7. March 09:

My grandpa passed away that month and in that moment he left us, we were all outside... It seems like he was waiting to see us all again one last time, the whole family (incl. the one living abroad) and then he would wait till he was alone...

8. February 09:

On Valentine's Day, I was reminded of my acute hearing loss which I got last year. That day made me a bit thoughtful but I also had some happy memories that day when I played with my brother in the snow. It was snowing a lot that week and we had over a meter of snow.

9. January 09:

My best friend came over for a week. I took her everywhere for some sightseeing and we drank mulled wine almost every day at the local Christmas markets which still had open at that time and had really lots of fun and took lots of pictures to remember what we did each day.

10. December 09:

I had a wonderful X-mas gathering at my friends house. She was so kind to invite me to come over and I had a really lovely time there.

So there, I hope you enjoyed reading my list of my 10 memories from the last twelve months. Please make a list yourself too if you want and let me know. I'd love to read it :))

A List of 10 Things

2009-10-26T13:59:00.010+01:00

Hi there,

I'm already working on my Gratitude List from A-Z but am somehow strugging with it :)) but as soon as I have it I'll post it. In the meantime I will share with you a so-called List of 10 (which can be used as a writing prompt for anyone who's struggling for words at times)

You can write more than ten, but I think 10 is already enough ;)

Here are some of my favorite (there are a lot more, but this should do it)

10 things that make me happy are ...
10 things that I would like to carry with me at all times are ...
10 things that make me laugh ...
10 things that make me cry are ...
10 memories from the past 12 months are ... (I love this one)

I hope this can help you to get started with writing anything you want. I will make my two lists soon.